If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
