you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
