Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
