I wish I could teleport
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
