there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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