every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
