just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
