I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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