note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
