life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
