she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
