you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
