i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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