I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
