I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
