i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
