I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
