I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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