theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
