Nicole vs. Life
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
