so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
