some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize