it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
