To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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