I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
