i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
