Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize