You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
