i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
