Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
don't judge my taste in strippers
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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