i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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