marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
