we're blogging at a bar
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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