I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
