Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
