He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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