I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
