dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
