Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
