Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
