allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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