i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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