This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize