2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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