pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
