Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
