suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
