This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
