I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
