He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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