just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
