Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize