Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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