Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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