dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize