it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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