OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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