I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
