Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
