Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I die, sorry about rent.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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