I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
