I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
