it hurts more in the daytime
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
