Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
