theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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