Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
