Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
