Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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