By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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