I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
