My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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