Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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