For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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