Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
