i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You are a genius and a whore.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
